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The Great Turkey Hunt The objective of the game is to get the best pieces of the turkey for yourself. Of course, Humans mistakenly believe the turkey is theirs. It’s your job to convince them otherwise. The turkey is naturally yours. It’s been bought for you, cooked for you and it quite clearly has your name, and teeth marks, all over it! The winner of the game convinces his humans that this is so and generously shares his or her prize with the rest of the family, human, feline and, yes, even canine. It pays to be generous. The next stage comes when the turkey is taken out of the oven ready to be served. If at all possible you should increase the volume of your complaints. Running backwards and forwards across the kitchen shows your excitement and, if you’re lucky, you may trip the human carrying the turkey. If this happens you’ve won (although I suggest you don’t hang around to gloat, humans don’t have a very good sense of humour!). The family have sat down to enjoy their meal and it’s time for you to go into the final stage of your plan. Sit at each chair in turn and plead longingly for a piece of turkey. If this doesn’t work, try jumping on the table to help yourself. If they chase you away, sneak back and approach your victim from behind with all the care you would use stalking a mouse. You may need to get a little higher, the kitchen counter, a dresser or any other bit of furniture that lets you come up behind the victim, on the same level as his plate, is what you need. Wait for a good moment to strike. Look for time when his plate is unguarded and a large piece of turkey is exposed. A lightning fast paw coming from behind to hook a piece of meat from the plate is very hard to stop. Take your prize somewhere safe to eat. If you’ve eaten far more turkey than is good for you, feel free to sick it all up. Over the sofa is good or over the unopened presents is another favourite. Alternatively you can wait until your least favourite human is snoring in a chair by the fire and sick up in their lap. Have a happy and Well Fed Christmas Your friend, Solomon |
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The best thing about Christmas is the Great Turkey Hunt. It's
a game of strategy. Any cats worth their whiskers will look forward
to the coming struggle with relish!! It’s a traditional ritual
for all cats everywhere and one that’s very much loved. For the
kittens among you who haven’t yet discovered the delights of The
Great Turkey Hunt allow me to tickle your taste buds. 
It begins when they start to prepare the turkey for cooking. Let
them know in as loud a voice as you can, exactly how much you
are looking forward to your turkey. Keep this up through the hours
of cooking and emphasise your feelings by leaping onto kitchen
counters and getting in the way of all the other preparations.
Sinking your claws into a leg in excitement can be forgiven in
the heat of the moment. Subtle threats, like preparing to claw
the furniture then looking meaningfully at the cook can help to
get your message across. You can tell if you’re doing well in
this section of the game if your humans stop shouting at you and
start begging you to be quiet in a pathetic and beaten tone of
voice. 
Very likely you’ll be offered some turkey flavoured peace offerings
at this point, in the hope of keeping you quiet. Don’t be deceived.
These are the rejected bits of skin and meat that are unfit for
all but a dog to eat. You should turn your back and show your
disgust with a shake of your back leg. Remember, they’ve kept
the best meat for themselves and the game isn’t over yet! 
If you’ve successfully completed all stages of the game then your
humans should have realised their mistake by now. In desperation
they’ll give you your proper share of the juiciest bits of the
turkey, if only to stop you ambushing their plates every few minutes.
It’s hard to enjoy your food if you don’t know where the next
attack is coming from! At this point it’s customary to be generous,
now that you have won your rightful share, let them eat what’s
left of theirs in peace.