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Purraholics Annonymouse Ripest Territory Markings Bookshelf Your Letters The Cat Basket Practical Engineering for Cats The Cats Guide The Juiciest Mice in Town
Purraholics Annonymouse Ripest Territory Markings Bookshelf Your Letters The Cat Basket Practical Engineering for Cats The Cats Guide The Juiciest Mice in Town
The Cats Guide
The Cat's Guide To Moving Home
The Cat's Guide To Scuba Diving
The Cat's Guide To Poetry 2
The Cat's Guide To Xmas
The Cat's Guide To Twins
The Cat's Guide To Art
The Cat's Guide To Poetry
The Cat's Guide To WWW
The Cat's Guide To Guernsey
The Cat's Guide To San Diego
The Cat's Guide To Grief
...Chief
...For Homer and Fat Boy
...For Xegon
...Prissie
...My beloved stalker
...Gemma
...Prince
...Blacken
...Rita
...For Max
...To Cola
...To Morris
...Ode To Said
...Update On Said

 
The Cats Guide To Twins

Hi fellow felines,

HiIts CoCo from Calgary Canada again (you know of purraholics fame?).

I'm writing you to get this off my chest as its been bothering me since my humans brought those two THINGS home. The THINGS I am referring to are twin babies and they are just about the most disgusting and abhorrant things I have ever laid my two cat eyes on.

After putting up with these things in MY home for over two months now, it occurred to me that I should write my fellow felines with my useful tips on how to make your lives (all 9 of them) bearable once these creatures enter your house.

  1. Always hang around the kitchen when its formula time, some always hits the floor and tastes pretty good in lieu of a good bowl of cream
  2. Make sure to stake your territory all over again by marking the new crib, bassinet and stroller, all the places that these invaders will be spending most of their time
  3. Whenever a baby is near you on the floor, keep a distance of at least 2 feet otherwise you risk a small fist closing painfully on your fur with a grip of death ( much like the neighbourhood pitbull)
  4. Never fall asleep under the crib or you might mistakenly be locked inside the nursery for the night. THEN you must put up with constant sleep deprivation as these things wake every two hours and scream bloody hell.
  5. You must at all costs exert yourself to look extremely pathetic and sulky in front of your humans. This always results in some feelings of regret and sympathy and will usually get you a rubdown or a special treat.
  6. Lastly, never attempt to make a friendly gesture towards these smelly creatures (such as sitting peacefully on top of one)as it might be misinterpreted as an attack by the human population and will result in quite a melee of human screaming and shooing until you are forced to leave the room altogether.

Hopefully other cats out there can make use of these tips if they ever find themselves in this situation. Of course these tips will have to be updated once they become mobile and can chase me down.

Well, thats all for now, back to my favorite bed, the empty bassinet.

CoCo

   


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Purraholics Annonymouse Ripest Territory Markings Bookshelf Your Letters The Cat Basket Practical Engineering for Cats The Cats Guide The Juiciest Mice in Town