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The Trouble With Humans


 Hi from CasperThe trouble with humans is, they're crazy. They do and say the most peculiar things and they have some very strange notions of reality. For example, they think they are the only real people on the planet! The rest of us are just animated bits of biological matter put here for their convenience, or inconvenience as the case may be. Now don't get me wrong, I know some very nice humans, but as a species they stink.

Take dolphins for example. Humans get very greedy. They don't just go fishing, they send out enormous floating fish factories that catch millions of tons of fish, some of which they don't even want. They also dump all sorts of rubbish into the oceans, polluting it and depleting the fish stocks even further. Naturally, fish stocks drop. What do they do about this? Do they regulate their fishing habits and clean up their act? No! They look for a scapegoat. Dolphins eat fish therefore dolphins are the problem. There just aren't enough fish to go around, so the dolphins have to go. I saw a documentary on television sometime ago about the slaughtering of dolphins in Japan. The sea was red with blood. Even as a carnivore I was amazed and horrified by the slaughter.

We can all think of many other examples like this one. It illustrates two fundamental aspects of human behaviour. Firstly, nobody except humans has any right to exist and secondly, it is always somebody else's fault!

The amazing thing is that they often do this to each other as well. Check out the newspapers in your local rubbish bins, you'll find this technique used to justify their behaviour towards others of their own kind when it suits them. Down through history, humans have used the label of sub-human and applied it to other races, religions and cultures, humans of a different colour and even at times to their own females. This allows them to justify killing or enslaving these humans, while at the same time letting them feel good about themselves.

Well really! Can you imagine cats behaving in such an uncivilised fashion! Think what it would be like if all the ginger cats in your area decided to team up and declare war on the tabbies. The back gardens and streets filled with strutting gangs of cats, armed to the teeth and determined to wipe the enemy of the face of the planet. Ambushes from under parked cars, bombs through cat flaps and nuclear war in the garden! Now, I don't mind admitting that when another cat wanders into my territory I go out and do battle. However, this is a personal and individual thing between cats. If he wins, then I respect his right to tread my turf, (usually from a safe distance behind the sofa).

As for telling the local girls that they are sub-feline and therefore should do what I tell them, well, lets just say I like to keep my fur in one piece. I like my ears whole not in ribbons.

What started me off on this train of thought was an incident that happened to me a short while ago. I had been out hunting and caught a nice juicy mouse that I brought home to eat in comfort and peace. I didn't expect the extreme reaction of a human visitor to our humble home. She leapt onto a chair and started to scream her head off! I beat a hasty retreat and ate the mouse under a bush safely out of reach. When I returned home to have a wash by the fire, this same person was complaining bitterly about cats killing and eating mice. What dreadful, cruel animals we are!

This was a bit much. If cats were like humans how would we deal with mice?

  • Round up every available mouse and confine them in tiny cages in a factory farm. Make sure they have no room to move and feed them the processed, inedible remains of their families and friends! Is this cruel? Of course not! It's what humans do after all, so that's just fine. Mind you, I wouldn't recommend the quality of the food after two or three generations. Yukk!
  • Alternatively, all the neighbourhood cats get together and form an army. Armed with sub-machine guns, place cats at every strategic point around the gardens. Then set fire to the gardens to flush the mice out. As they run from the flames, gun them down! Of course, the problem with this is that you end up with no mice at all. Now we need a scapegoat. Or, in this case, a scapedog. What you do is to blame the local dogs for the lack of mice, form vigilante squads and go around beating up the canine culprits. (OK, I admit this last bit has some merit.)

The way I see it, that mouse lived its life free and happy until meeting it's fate in my stomach.

Humans don't just want to kill and eat other animals. They also take away any right that animal has to a natural life beforehand. Surely this must alter the flavour and quality of their meat? Perhaps they don't notice. The strangest thing of all, is that humans don't do this to feed lots of humans who can't hunt for themselves. They do it so that a small number of humans can make a lot of money. These humans use their wealth to indulge in hobbies like hunting, shooting and fishing! Strange as it may seem, these humans often hunt for real and eat their kills! At the same time they foster this sanitised view of meat, distanced from the hunt or the kill (and presumably from flavour considering what these animals go through before being eaten).

So, as I said before, the trouble with humans is their very strange notions of reality.

I must go now, she's cooking chicken tonight and I don't want to miss out!

From deepest, darkest Essex.


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